A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not.
All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed and wearing freshly pressed clothes—stylish, but not overdone. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy.
This is torture.” She thinks, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. Do you believe it is vital to everyday life to know what is happening in the world around you? What is the nicest thing anybody has said, or you believe they would say, about you? What are your life and career goals in 5, 10 and 15 years? Would you rather live in a large house in the suburbs, or a tiny apartment in the city with an excellent view? Which is more logical to follow—your heart or your head? Sure, they’re kind of snoozy, but they’ll set the tone for your date, and give you immediate things to talk about: “ 1. What do you do, and how long have you been doing it?